The Ultimate Block

Hello!

Often when we start on our own intentional emotional evolution journey we hit road blocks.  These road blocks keep us stuck for days, make our old addictions look VERY attractive, and sometimes compel us to quit the intentional evolution journey and go back to the very thing/situation that may have been harming us in the first place.

Although it feels like it in the moment, you are not alone.

When we come up to a feeling or a reaction about a situation that we "are not supposed to" think or feel or feel embarrassed to feel that way; this can often cause us to do a variety of destructive habits, even if we don't tell anyone about our feelings.  We all come up against these feelings we are embarrassed to be feeling at some point in our lives, probably more often than we would like.  This, if you reduce it down to its most basic state is shame.  Brene Brown does FANTASITC work on the subject of shame.  And has been a big influence on me.

Personally I believe that these feelings of shame, or if you don't want how to feel to be true, compels all kinds of very destructive behaviors, including lying, stealing, gas lighting, manipulation, self isolation, depression, health problems, addictions...  An unaware person may go through any length of things to convince one self of how they feel or "make those feelings go away."

I know I have gone through this myself, I know these uncomfortable feeling will come up again in my own life; AND I have witnessed/gone through this with clients.  As you get closer and closer to your core stuff this will likely show up more and more.

Its really challenging to process feelings that you don't actually want to feel.  Whether it is jealousy of someone that one one level your are truly happy for, and then those jealous feelings poke their head up in surprise.  Or confusion; someone that you love, and on one level you know they love you; and yet on another level you start to see their self serving manipulation; or become aware of how they are hurting you even though they say they love you, and you do believe that they love you.  And one of the worst spiral traps is depression; because in this society you're supposed to  be happy or grateful.  Its really hard to process and unfortunately hard to talk about with people.  For this reason therapists and coaches are a wonderful resource.  But even if you are fortunate enough to have someone that you are able to share your "real" feelings with, its still hard to be present with; to not make it go away.

When these kinds of feelings do show up, this a massive opportunity for integration.  For bringing one aspect of your self in, to become more whole, that was previously rejected so that you could assimilate to your circle.

While it can be extremely uncomfortable, get rid of the idea that "you're not supposed to" feel those feelings.  They are showing up, and there is something important in that, so allow it to come up, even if it forces you to change your plans for the day, maybe even longer.  Or tell that aspect that you will come back to it later, and then do that.  

Ultimately I want you to know that you are not wrong or stupid or immature for feeling the uncomfortable feelings that many of us don't like to feel.  Like jealousy, rage, anger, depression, sadness, insecurity...  If you do have someone that you feel safe enough with to talk to them about these feelings, sharing what you are experiencing is the most powerful thing that you can do to integrate.  But if you do not have people you feel safe with don't tell them, but find someone that you do feel safe enough with.  You can also write, talk out loud in your home, car, or in nature with nobody around, tell an animal like your dog, find a therapist, meditate....  While its incredibly healthy to be seen, heard & understood - no matter what is going on, it is not healthy to find people that will agree with how you are right and "they" are wrong.  This is not about demonizing the other person.  While that will make you feel better in the moment, it will also push those emotions down only to resurface in a more catastrophic way later on.  This is making your pain bigger.  Its important to take away the stigma of the uncomfortable feelings so that you can process it, and grow.

Feeling embarrassed or ashamed of how you feel blocks our evolution.  It blocks our greatest desires.  When these uncomfortable feelings come up, I want you to know you are not wrong for feeling that way.   The way to integration, and ultimately having/ achieving/ experiencing everything we truly want comes from being present and going though the really difficult emotions, not avoiding or covering them up.

I hope this gives you courage to be present with your emotions, especially the uncomfortable ones, even if you don't tell anyone. 

Sending love, Jessica