Dreams Come True

Personal Update
I'm not sure how to start this.  In general I usually keep my personal life pretty private.  I truly hate being talked about.  I know, as a coach, that wants to be big and inspiring to millions, this is something that I have to get over, or be comfortable with.  

I have some big news <3
I  got engaged this weekend!  But I want to share more about my internal journey around this because meeting "My Man" has been the number one thing that I wanted since I felt attraction towards guys, and for the most part was not happy with my results.  Sure there were a few happy moments...  There was so much pain around this, and other people made it so much worse, that I resolved to never talk about who I dated until I was engaged.  I would not give anything that would lead people to ask me questions.  I would shut down the conversation if people asked me about my dating life.

I've done my work, I learned the Art of Feminine Presence, which helped quite a bit, and working with my coach Rebecca also helped a ton.  I think all the internal work, incantations, energy work, energy clearing, manifesting exercises contributed for sure, as well as going through the painful hopeless moments.  I believe I've experienced many "dark nights of the soul" but right around (before) I met my now Fiancé, Fernando, I felt heart broken, crying, so profoundly angry at God, and telling God.  I don't remember what exactly happened to trigger that.  But I do remember the hopeless heartbreak I felt that night, and that it was only a few days earlier to meeting Fernando.

The day we met, I was feeling especially awful, definitely not even hoping to meet someone.  My goal for the day was to feel better.

We met at a local beach that I love going to because its beautiful, but it also has the best energetic vibration in Marin.  That summer I was going there a lot to heal and recharge.  That year I had been working on healing some really intense fatigue.  Debilitating fatigue.  I was working on finding a doctor I was happy with, but it was very hard.  I was researching, and doing everything that made sense to me.  My life had flipped upside down to one of 100% healing.  In my intense paying attention to myself, I learned that grounding and sunlight were the single biggest things that made me better.  On the particular day we met.  I was feeling awful.  I decided to spend a long time at china camp to feel better.  I packed my keto breakfast, computer, journal, and blanket ready to spend most of the day there.   I was wearing no make up because I didn't feel like it, and obviously I wouldn't meet anyone ;)

I hiked to china camp, walking down the hill to the benches so I could eat.  And I see this guy on a motorcycle driving really slow.  I move over more, thinking about the quote from super troopers "I can't pull over anymore, man."  I laughed a little to myself. :)  He's going super slow, and I am thinking, what is he looking at???  Mildly paranoid.

I sit down on the benches, and he sits down on the other picnic bench.  There are not much options.  Because I'm so social and love talking to people, we start talking.  I was working on my journal, he asked about it.  Then I was excited!  I want to teach everyone my process of journaling (reaching for goals, in a daily way).  I think everyone should have a coach, and be reaching for some kind of growth, so I was VERY EAGER to teach him my process.  He felt like he was seeing too much, but I was so excited to show him.  I didn't think it was a big deal to show him my journal since I would probably never see him again anyway.

Then I asked him if it was ok if I ate.  I had a can of sardines, and a can of olives.  I knew the smell would be gross for someone that didn't like sardines, which is why I asked. He thought it was weird that I asked him if I could eat.  We talked as I ate, commenting on keto, and how he was interested in becoming keto.  Later I found out he couldn't believe I was eating something like that for breakfast.  He told me he was actually mildly grossed out - haha!  ONLY because he expressed interest in growing and keto, did I take his email.  I was not at all in the space of thinking about dating!  I could see he was attractive, but that's not where my head was at!  My friend Crystal Ra was about to start a wild fit program, and because I want everyone to better themselves and their lives, I was very eager to connect them.  I thought email was appropriate.  He was disappointed, and thought I was not interested.  I still think its funny that I was not thinking dating at all.  But what stood out about him was his heart.  I really liked his heart.  I didn't know anything about him, but his heart felt really nice, and for some reason I wanted to be friends with him.

It turns out he the closest thing I've ever met to my wish list.  I didn't even think that was possible, even though I did the work to try to train myself into believing it was. I made an extra long and detailed list on purpose.  I can't tell you how many times people would tell me "that doesn't exist."  But it does.  And he's actually more romantic than I wished for! This is a wonderful bonus <3

So that's how it all started!

Then Saturday night, he took me to china camp and we ate dinner on the same benches we met <3 I was actually getting a little frustrated with him, because he was being so weird, haha!  Then he got down on one knee and asked me the question, I have always fantasized about being asked by the man I am in love with.  I was in so much shock that I was laughing, and he had to ask me again if I am saying "yes?".  YES!

It was a perfect proposal, exactly the way I have always fantasized.  Casual, beautiful, intimate, and a surprise.  I'm so happy he choose to bring me to the place that we met.  To celebrate that beautiful day where I was completely unaware!  He even chose the ring style that I have all over all of my vision collages (that he has never seen).

I am very happy <3
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Sometimes manifesting our desires takes so much longer than we are comfortable with.  In this case, that is what happened for me.  But there are so many other pieces that we don't know about that would affect the outcome of our desire.  Looking back, now that I know him much better.  Although I would have been attracted to him at all phases of our lives, both of us were not in the right place to have been together successfully.  I was so quick to dump men at the slightest hurt.  And he would have hurt me.  And so if it happened any earlier in our lives, it would have been ruined.  Once upon a time I was so committed to protecting my self, that I was actually toxic.  Of course I couldn't see it in the moment.  It took a lot of painful introspection and pattern unwinding to recognize how my attachment to not getting hurt, was hurting me very much.  Now, I am grateful to have had that time to do the work.  I am proud of how I show up in my relationship, and grateful that my biggest wish has become a manifested reality.  

No games, just being authentic me.  It took a lot of time to build up the strength to be vulnerable; to learn how to love myself;  and to have (more) courage to be me publicly.  That once upon a time, being even the slightest bit vulnerable would cause a panic attack, or for me to run away physically, so as to not feel the beginning of a panic attack.  Thank you to my wonderful coaches that supported me to grow in the ways that I really needed to grow.  Thank you Rachel Jayne Groover and Rebecca Massoud <3
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As always, I like to turn my own stories back to you.  Because really its about helping you to get what you are wanting. 
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So what is that thing you have been wanting for a long time? 
What if it was actually closer than you thought?  What would that change about how you go about your day?
Have you ever considered that learning how to change your energy would open up new doors that you never noticed before?
What if you were on the fastest and best path to all of your desires.  What does that change about how you feel right now?

You will get those things your are deeply desiring for your life.  Sometimes working with the right person will help you to get there faster.  I definitely needed my coaches, and I love LOVE being that same exact support to my clients.  Thank you for reading, and sharing in my big celebration, and cheers to you and also enjoying your future celebrations.

Sending love,
Jessica